My On-Again, Off-Again Obsession - Wattpad

I'm usually the friend who claims electronic books are for suckers. Nothing beats browsing the bookstore for hours on end, sipping a cup of coffee and choosing which books to bring home. And let's not forget the smell. The aroma of a fresh-off-the-print book is pure bliss. And sure, I'm most likely inhaling the mesh of chemicals used to treat paper, but who stinking cares?

Anywho, I have a confession to make.

I possess an on-again, off-again obsession with Wattpad - a site featuring electronic books.

Yes, I know. I can't smell the pages, but I deal.

I say on-again, off-again because every few months I simply forget about the site and become caught up in the tangible books I can actually add to my collection.

Nonetheless, if you've unfamiliar with this site, although I highly doubt you are, it's an online writing community to post stories, poems, and fan-fiction. And many of these stories are the real freaking deal. These writers have huge followings, millions upon millions of readers, tons of reviews, awesome covers, YouTube trailers and some even go on to be published! There's even online awards for the best books called "The Wattys."

I don't care if these writers are considered "undiscovered" to the publishing world, they are hot shots on Wattpad.

When I first discovered Wattpad, I didn't think the original stories would be all that read worthy ... but I was proved wrong. Granted, every now and then you must sift through stories to find the true gems, however it isn't that difficult. You're able to filter your selections.

Sometimes you'll run into the Christian Grey wannabes or smut filled novels, but if you're not into those stories just keep on scrolling, my friends. Also, you may become invested in a book and find out the author hasn't posted in ages!! That's why I search only "completed" stories. Just a heads up there.

Still, don't worry. There's something for everyone on Wattpad. However, I'm not going to lie, I'd never post a story on there. Why?

• Thieves Do Exist. 
• Literary Agents Aren't Too Thrilled About Stories That Have Been Posted Online. But I've Heard Many of Them Read The Stories Too ... HYPOCRITES! ;-)
• Some Criticism from Reviewers are Unnecessarily Harsh and Can Discourage You. 

So, if I were you, I'd just READ ... NOT POST!

Still, I love Wattpad.

*Swoon*

I'M A BAD BLOGGER - I REALLY SUCK AT IT!

I’m a sorry excuse for a blogger. 

I mean, I seriously suck. 

I suck to the utmost and it isn’t even funny. What the heck is it about the blogging hemisphere that I simply cannot stay connected? Every time I attempt to leap back into this “hobby” of mine, I become distracted with stuff going on in my ... how shall I put it?

Let's call it my physical life. Heck, sounds about right. Geez, my wording even sucks.

TBH ("to be honest" - yeah, I'm hip), I have become so incredibly occupied with real life that I can’t keep up with this blog. I promise, ever since my last post I have seriously been on the go! Don’t believe me? You think I'm lying? Check the list, folks.

1. I’m now a Christian Non-Fiction Author for a publishing company I adore. Can't name drop, tho. 
2. I’m working on my MFA via online courses – but that’s a secret, so shh.
3. I’ve gotten myself into tons of freelance writing and editing projects like a freakin' genius. I literally spend a huge chunk of my day at my desk. Whether I'm writing, editing, proofreading ... or looking at Netflix or Hulu (hehehe)... I'm glued here, man! 
4. My Urban Fantasy WIP has morphed into a new WIP. I am obsessed with the changes! You guys know how the writing, editing and revising stages are with WIPs. So no need to explain there.
5. Plus other stuff. *averts eyes suspiciously*
6. Umm ... Does traveling count as a distraction?
7. Did I mention church functions? Family Functions? Just a lot of social stuff. Grrr.
8. My family – my sister in particular – has taken up loads of my time within the last few years. 
• FIRST, I had to plan her wedding. And she was a feisty Bride Zilla.
• SECOND, she decides to get pregnant on the honeymoon, so I planned her baby shower too. And she was a feisty Pregnant Lady!
• THIRD, she calls me quite often simply to chat. Seriously, girl. I am busy. I don't have time to chat. Tend to your fussy 1-month-old baby. Okay, Austin isn’t THAT fussy. But babies are blah. They pee, poop, eat, sleep and look cute. I can’t wait till that kid can say, “Hey, Auntie. You rock!” He gripped my finger the other day and I nearly exploded with joy! And all he did was hold my finger ... Not only do I suck, I'm a sucker. 

So, yeah. Your girl is spent! 

However, let’s cut the crap. I mean, can you smell the bull? I sure can. It stinks like a circus. 

If I was truly passionate about being a blogger, I believe I would have squeezed it in. I didn’t stop watching my favorite shows. I didn’t stop hanging out with friends and family. I didn’t limit my time with God.  Well, actually I have slacked on my prayer life. I need to fix that. Yikes.

ANYWHO! I’ve discovered that I just don’t have the passion for blogging like I used to.

Nevertheless … I WANT IT. In all seriousness, I have been extremely busy. I even find it difficult to spend the desired time on my WIP. Although I absolutely love and enjoy writing, I don't want it to become a chore for me. Yah know? Whatever ... I'm not even sure if I'm making sense. *Cringe* Furthermore, I'm the most organized person I know. Therefore, I know my neglect here has nothing to do with that. Like I said, if I wanted to keep up with this blog then I certainly could. 

It's the joy I'm lacking here, people.

How do I get it back? How do I rediscover that joy in blogging? Honestly, how? 

:-(

Dream With Fear or Faith?

"Faith will take you where fear won't let you go."

That was the title of the sermon my Auntie Joyce preached. To say it has stuck with me for the better part of two months now would be quite the understatement. When I began attempting to live by this statement and apply it not just spiritually but to every other avenue of my life, I realized something about myself. This entire year I've been held captive to fear instead of free in faith. The doubts, insecurities, second guessing, and underestimating myself was just a self inflicted tactic produced by fear to set me back--that's how I look at it anyway.

I touched on this briefly in a previous post but I didn't spend too much time expressing my innermost feelings and all that jazz. Essentially, this year I put off the querying process simply because I was fearful that I would have a repeat of my last run. Even though during that time I was less experienced, less knowledgeable, busy going to college and juggling two jobs, and my novel had not undergone that serious nip and tuck sort of revision. I was pretty much just a little bitty baby novice and now well...it's been two years. I should know a little something by now, right? Lol and I do.

So in the past few months I've realized that in any situation, not just writing wise, if I wait until I deem myself absolutely ready to do something then I'll be waiting for the rest of my life. Not many people are ever ready to launch out into what they consider the deep and dark part of the waters, but the launching has the take place some time or another. Whether you're facing difficult circumstances concerning career/education goals, financial setbacks, personal goals, family issues, challenging relationships, or just dealing with the usual curve balls life tends to throw at you keeping a positive mindset is key. It may be easier said than done, but it's true. Folks with big dreams need to recognize that struggles and disappointments are inevitable but discouragement and quitting is a choice.

But I'm human. We all are. So sometimes I get down and wonder if my dream career as a YA and new adult fiction writer will ever come to pass. Will I ever have a final revision that's good enough? Will my critique partners ever say "don't change a thing"? And why does success have to take so doggone long? And these questioning and doubt then transforms into outright fear. When that moment comes for me to shine or present my work, I get timid. Why? Because I don't want to hear the harsh criticism. Or I'm afraid a person will tear it to pieces.

But frankly, I'm sick of being scared. Screw fear. I'm operating on faith now. And I've told myself before that I have faith that things will work out and yada yada yada, but it wasn't until the concept of "faith will take you where fear won't let you go" that it actually sunk in. I just sat down one day and made a list of the results of fear and the results of faith. It is shared below.

FEAR

Suppresses our thinking and behavior

Limits creativity

Develops bad habits & stress

Weakens our resolve

Cripples growth

Robs peace & happiness

Limits prosperity

Chokes us with doubt

Creates procrastination

Causes insecurities

Defers dreams

Halts success

Undermines destiny

Lies

Regrets

Kills faith

FAITH

Invokes spiritual and intellectual growth
Motivates creativity to become artistry
Promotes positivity
Inherits promises & expectations
Strengthens our commitments
Cements your peace and happiness
Sees unmeasurable success
Creates belief in self
Demands action
Promotes truth and hope
Knows no doubt
Defends your unquestionable belief
Is a Free Thinker
Values loyalty

Instills curiosity and thirst for more
Kills FEAR

Wednesday Revelation--Novel Confession #02

I'm late. I know. I'm so sorry. Ugh, #BloggerFail

Anyway, let's launch into the Novel Confession for this week...Unfortunately there's some backstory here. Sorry, I know how much us authors absolutely loathe the backstory dump! This post will be long. Can't say I didn't warn you.

Out of all four of my siblings I've always been the most eccentric one out the bunch. I've gone through so many fashion phases, makeup trends, tried out several different personalities (I was nuts, I know), faked accents for months at a time, and just had a straight up crazy, fun loving time getting lost and finding myself in the process.

Throughout my changes the one thing I've always remained true to is my deep fascination with the spiritual and supernatural elements in this world. Growing up my eyes always widened when I learned of the mind blowing miracles Jesus performed, the Angels and their messenger moments, the Rapture and days of Tribulation talk in the Book of Revelation, the tales of soothsayers and no good spiritists in the Bible, Satan trying to tempt Jesus (I know right? What the heck was that older than dirt idiot Lucifer smoking?!), and all the demon stuff.

Yeah...I was that weird kid. But I never got a Ouija Board, HECK NO! That's pushing it. I always told myself I'd never cross that thin line.

That all being unnecessarily said, whilst writing one of my later chapters my mother kept nit picking at me about my WIP. And I was ticked! She didn't really know anything about my novel. She had never read a page of it. She was already against the urban fantasy with biblical symbolism idea even though she just looovvveeddd Chronicles of Narnia and Lord of the Rings. And I just felt like I didn't need her input when she'd already kicked my novel to the side. Essentially, my mom had this random notion that my book was becoming too dark and twisted. That I was teetering on the edge of something unholy. This is how I viewed her...

But unlike that lady above my mom was actually right. Duh, she's ALWAYS right.

The chapter I wrote was borderline disturbing. It had a very dark and brutal undertone to it. Bottom line, it was demonic. And after writing it I didn't feel like myself. I had this odd idea to research demon hierarchies--something I never would have thought of doing. Bizarre, right? I'm all down for conducting research for novels but I'm not down for dabbling.

Now, I'm not going to lie. The chapter was darn good and I was totally digging it...but it wasn't representing God and it certainly wasn't what he requires of me and my gift. Instead it was glorifying evil. If another writer had written that chapter I would have thought, "woah, this chick is obviously dabbling in some daaarrk stuff." Although I knew this I refused to change it. Hardheaded, I know.

So one night after my mother had prayer she came to talk to me and said, "God told me you just wrote something evil and you need to delete it and start over. It's ungodly and it's too dark. Whatever it is, change it. Now." Did I listen to mom? Nope. I brushed her off like a pesky gnat. I was angry and in denial. I went to bed with a bitter taste in my mouth.

That night I dreamt of an Angel adorned in a white so brilliantly bright that my eyes strained to even look up at him. I just laid in my bed while this huge warrior like Angel took up my entire room and was saying something to me that I could not understand. His mouth kept moving in a language so foreign and a voice so thunderous that they had to have been divine. It was almost as if he was chastising me, but I just couldn't comprehend the scolding. Towards the end of this dream he pressed his heavy hand to my forehead and FINALLY spoke in English. He said, "don't look up demons."

And before I could speak to him I was awake with my eyes glued to where he'd just stood. I felt like I'd just been transported from dream world to the real world within the blink of an eye. And the message was so clear too. His last line continued to replay in my mind and I couldn't get what my mother said out of my head. So you know what I did next?

I deleted that chapter and wrote it over! Yah darn skippy I did! I was freaked out! Scared! Totally not trying to get on God's bad side. I also rid of those stupid ideas regarding demon research and never wrote anything else without asking God to write with me. Mom was so right and when I told her of this dream she simply smirked and said, "I told yah so!"

God really does have His Angels watching over His children....even the hardheaded ones like me.

Wednesday Revelation - Novel Confession #01

So, I seriously dislike one of my characters....But hold up! Let's back it up a bit.

Have you ever had someone in your life who constantly gave every person around them unsolicited advice or just always had an optimistic perspective about whatever and whoever? I'm talking about a person who will cause you to see every angle of a difficult situation verses merely your own. The one who is NEVER *rolls eyes* bias. The person who will talk you down from going off on the jerk that just totally disrespected you and deserves to be put in his place. The one with Jiminy Cricket syndrome! The type of person who will inform you of your wrongness AND toss a bible scripture at you just to prove they're right and you're wrong. I mean really? C'mon! Who told you to add God in this? NOBODY!

That's the sort of character my Alyse Selvin is. She's a know-it-all and dang proud of it. It's not that she is so arrogant that she deems herself biblically correct in all her ways, it's just that her mind is so wrapped up in Christ that her heart is not enveloped with darkness. She harbors no deceitful desires, impure endeavors, or ill intentions. The girl simply wants everyone to choose the right path and remain on it. She lives for joy and happiness. Alyse literally cries when a rainbow appears...and when she bites into a delicious cupcake on her off diet/cheat day (or maybe I'm talking about myself right there, who knows lol). She is just a freaking sweet as pie angel! 

And I have to respect that. Although she is that friend that pushes you in the right direction, loves unconditionally, takes accountability for close ones, calls you out on your bull, and has no problem being honest...she can still be annoying as hell (yeah Auntie Joyce I said hell and I still don't consider it a curse word-BOOM...*cringes, cowers away in fear of reproval*) with her virtually perfect self.

But notice I said virtually. This is where my annoyance climbs to dislike.

Alyse is a flawed character just like many of the others. It's just that I cringe when I meet know-it-alls who aren't even close to having it all together (Oh God, that kind of sounds like myself right there, LOL! Yikes!). She struggles with insecurity, she is unaware of her worth, she can't conceal her emotions,--even the loony and eccentric ones--she doesn't know when to shut up, she is usually the weaker one in combat, and she's also in love with a guy who will never look past his own faults to be with her. He's so caught up in his own innate downfalls that he doesn't deem himself worthy of Alyse's love which obviously overlooks his faults. Complete and utter craziness, no!? Seriously, one of these days Alyse is going to get it through her thick skull that she is more than just invisible scars and unguarded thoughts. That her once believed incurable wounds can be healed. And that she goes beyond good enough.

Essentially, I think it's her vulnerability and visibility that kills me. She's always on someone else's case but every time I write her in I can't help but think, "girl please, you have more issues than Vogue" or "typical good girl probs" --I'm so insensitive, I know.

Anyway, I'm the complete opposite of her. I don't like people knowing if they hurt me or not. I know when to keep my thoughts to myself..who am I kidding? No I don't. I hate when folks can read my emotions. I like masking my true self with dark humor, witticism, empty sarcasm, and lots of laughter. Besides my family, there are only a few people who know the real me. And I will admit that I used to be more open....but time and experience has taught me to remain guarded. 

And that's where I think my annoyance of Alyse starts to dig deep-when it gets personal. She wears no mask and I hate that. I can't understand why she sets herself up for harm. I tell myself I would hate to have someone like her in my life. That I'm so glad I'm not like her. But if that is the case why would I create her? Why would she end up being one of my most in-depth characters?

Hmm, makes me wonder what other lies I've told myself.