Anyway, let's launch into the Novel Confession for this week...Unfortunately there's some backstory here. Sorry, I know how much us authors absolutely loathe the backstory dump! This post will be long. Can't say I didn't warn you.
Out of all four of my siblings I've always been the most eccentric one out the bunch. I've gone through so many fashion phases, makeup trends, tried out several different personalities (I was nuts, I know), faked accents for months at a time, and just had a straight up crazy, fun loving time getting lost and finding myself in the process.Throughout my changes the one thing I've always remained true to is my deep fascination with the spiritual and supernatural elements in this world. Growing up my eyes always widened when I learned of the mind blowing miracles Jesus performed, the Angels and their messenger moments, the Rapture and days of Tribulation talk in the Book of Revelation, the tales of soothsayers and no good spiritists in the Bible, Satan trying to tempt Jesus (I know right? What the heck was that older than dirt idiot Lucifer smoking?!), and all the demon stuff.
Yeah...I was that weird kid. But I never got a Ouija Board, HECK NO! That's pushing it. I always told myself I'd never cross that thin line.
That all being unnecessarily said, whilst writing one of my later chapters my mother kept nit picking at me about my WIP. And I was ticked! She didn't really know anything about my novel. She had never read a page of it. She was already against the urban fantasy with biblical symbolism idea even though she just looovvveeddd Chronicles of Narnia and Lord of the Rings. And I just felt like I didn't need her input when she'd already kicked my novel to the side. Essentially, my mom had this random notion that my book was becoming too dark and twisted. That I was teetering on the edge of something unholy. This is how I viewed her...
But unlike that lady above my mom was actually right. Duh, she's ALWAYS right.
The chapter I wrote was borderline disturbing. It had a very dark and brutal undertone to it. Bottom line, it was demonic. And after writing it I didn't feel like myself. I had this odd idea to research demon hierarchies--something I never would have thought of doing. Bizarre, right? I'm all down for conducting research for novels but I'm not down for dabbling.
Now, I'm not going to lie. The chapter was darn good and I was totally digging it...but it wasn't representing God and it certainly wasn't what he requires of me and my gift. Instead it was glorifying evil. If another writer had written that chapter I would have thought, "woah, this chick is obviously dabbling in some daaarrk stuff." Although I knew this I refused to change it. Hardheaded, I know.
So one night after my mother had prayer she came to talk to me and said, "God told me you just wrote something evil and you need to delete it and start over. It's ungodly and it's too dark. Whatever it is, change it. Now." Did I listen to mom? Nope. I brushed her off like a pesky gnat. I was angry and in denial. I went to bed with a bitter taste in my mouth.
And before I could speak to him I was awake with my eyes glued to where he'd just stood. I felt like I'd just been transported from dream world to the real world within the blink of an eye. And the message was so clear too. His last line continued to replay in my mind and I couldn't get what my mother said out of my head. So you know what I did next?I deleted that chapter and wrote it over! Yah darn skippy I did! I was freaked out! Scared! Totally not trying to get on God's bad side. I also rid of those stupid ideas regarding demon research and never wrote anything else without asking God to write with me. Mom was so right and when I told her of this dream she simply smirked and said, "I told yah so!"
God really does have His Angels watching over His children....even the hardheaded ones like me.
