Dream With Fear or Faith?

"Faith will take you where fear won't let you go."

That was the title of the sermon my Auntie Joyce preached. To say it has stuck with me for the better part of two months now would be quite the understatement. When I began attempting to live by this statement and apply it not just spiritually but to every other avenue of my life, I realized something about myself. This entire year I've been held captive to fear instead of free in faith. The doubts, insecurities, second guessing, and underestimating myself was just a self inflicted tactic produced by fear to set me back--that's how I look at it anyway.

I touched on this briefly in a previous post but I didn't spend too much time expressing my innermost feelings and all that jazz. Essentially, this year I put off the querying process simply because I was fearful that I would have a repeat of my last run. Even though during that time I was less experienced, less knowledgeable, busy going to college and juggling two jobs, and my novel had not undergone that serious nip and tuck sort of revision. I was pretty much just a little bitty baby novice and now well...it's been two years. I should know a little something by now, right? Lol and I do.

So in the past few months I've realized that in any situation, not just writing wise, if I wait until I deem myself absolutely ready to do something then I'll be waiting for the rest of my life. Not many people are ever ready to launch out into what they consider the deep and dark part of the waters, but the launching has the take place some time or another. Whether you're facing difficult circumstances concerning career/education goals, financial setbacks, personal goals, family issues, challenging relationships, or just dealing with the usual curve balls life tends to throw at you keeping a positive mindset is key. It may be easier said than done, but it's true. Folks with big dreams need to recognize that struggles and disappointments are inevitable but discouragement and quitting is a choice.

But I'm human. We all are. So sometimes I get down and wonder if my dream career as a YA and new adult fiction writer will ever come to pass. Will I ever have a final revision that's good enough? Will my critique partners ever say "don't change a thing"? And why does success have to take so doggone long? And these questioning and doubt then transforms into outright fear. When that moment comes for me to shine or present my work, I get timid. Why? Because I don't want to hear the harsh criticism. Or I'm afraid a person will tear it to pieces.

But frankly, I'm sick of being scared. Screw fear. I'm operating on faith now. And I've told myself before that I have faith that things will work out and yada yada yada, but it wasn't until the concept of "faith will take you where fear won't let you go" that it actually sunk in. I just sat down one day and made a list of the results of fear and the results of faith. It is shared below.

FEAR

Suppresses our thinking and behavior

Limits creativity

Develops bad habits & stress

Weakens our resolve

Cripples growth

Robs peace & happiness

Limits prosperity

Chokes us with doubt

Creates procrastination

Causes insecurities

Defers dreams

Halts success

Undermines destiny

Lies

Regrets

Kills faith

FAITH

Invokes spiritual and intellectual growth
Motivates creativity to become artistry
Promotes positivity
Inherits promises & expectations
Strengthens our commitments
Cements your peace and happiness
Sees unmeasurable success
Creates belief in self
Demands action
Promotes truth and hope
Knows no doubt
Defends your unquestionable belief
Is a Free Thinker
Values loyalty

Instills curiosity and thirst for more
Kills FEAR

People Watching and Character Development

I like watching people. It helps with character development. Let me explain how.

So everyone is different, right? Right. And oftentimes our external appearance reflect our internal self. The clothing we choose to wear. The hairstyles we don. What we carry in our bags. The amount of makeup we use (I should really tone down the blush). How we walk and talk. The company we keep. Our posture and stance. The length or color of our fingernails. It all says SOMETHING about who we are as one individual in this massive world.

Now as writers we can look at complete strangers and develop an entire list of challenges, insecurities, pet peeves, family members, mind-blowing secrets they're harboring, and other scenarios for that person. It's just what we do. We have some of the more creative and brilliant imaginations on the planet (toot toot)...simultaneously however we just have one mind--bummer, I know. There are so many diverse personalities, attributes, bad habits, behaviors, hobbies, pet peeves, and so on floating around this world and its perfectly fine to discover those facets from simply watching regular day folk.

Honestly, it's not as weird as it sounds. Although some folks make deem me rather nosy, eccentric, or downright stalker-ish, it actually aids with character development and expanding your scope in regards to human personality. Our experiences in this world and simply what we capture with our eyes help form our characters, it's just that watching people can aid in shaping and perfecting that character too.It can also help with showing and not telling, knowing how to give brilliant detail, how to focus in on what's important about the character and so on.

So, what I like to do is go to the bookstore and take notes on my laptop or iPad (the one my father allowed me to "steal" from him as he likes to put it). I may drink a cup of coffee or have a glass of hibiscus tea with my earphones in, pretending to listen to music (s/o to Mike--one of my superdy duper awesome best friends!) but actually eavesdropping--I'm a mastermind at this, mind you. And I just watch people's mannerisms, demeanor, quirky little habits, and so on. And from what I capture of them I form it into a totally new idea.

This is what I saw yesterday at Panera.  This is the character I immediately thought of.

• The fancy girl constantly tugging her sleeves down and steps back when someone inches too close.--Her speech is polished. Her walk is poised. She is as posh as can be. Her entire demeanor screams that of a wealthy daddy's girl who lived a life so charmed that growing up her elegant and jeweled hands couldn't even hold a broomstick properly. But what outsiders don't know are the amount of doctor visits she's had, the countless pills she's nearly choked on, and the number of hours she's laid awake, her eyes tracing the swirls on her ceiling, hoping the childhood memories in her dreams won't haunt her sleep. Praying she won't have to see the broad and shadowy figure of the familiar man who slipped into her bedroom every night. That's why the scars trail up and down her arms like a second skin. She's so angry about her weakness. She wants to stab it. Kill it. Quickly get rid of it. Just like she can her skin. But she can't cut her memories. Cutting the memories would mean cutting her skin deeper. What would her daughter do without her? That would just be downright selfish and even wicked considering...leaving her with daddy would be unthinkable. He would just find a way to enter her bedroom too. 

•  A ragged looking woman toting three toddlers -- She's so annoyed with her life right now. She should have listened to her parents. Her father begged her not to do it. And now running to the courthouse with the first guy to say "I love you" and knock her up was the biggest regret of her life. But who would have thought she'd pop out triplets? And don't even let her really get started on Bill. His five-year plan was totally a five-year and everything goes kaput plan. Whenever she looks in the mirror she can't help but reflect on the broken promises, flawed plans, and the size 4 she once was. She curses, as usual, as she plucks yet another gray hair from her scalp. And good Lord she's not even 25! Who grays before 25? And when was the last time she went to church? Oh yeah, Bill is an atheist. He doesn't want to force a so called false God onto his children. She wish she'd found that out before having his babies...the jerk.

See what I'm saying?! And those are just my random notes on the folks I saw. I haven't even worked them into complete characters or anything. I just compiled a short little summary and that was it. You can easily build off it or work it into current characters. I call the first lady the Unlucky Princess and the second...I don't know, The Drowning Mother or something. I didn't like that chick too much (lol).

So that's why I people watch. It's entertaining, it's helpful, and it really gets you thinking about the various types of people in this world. Good luck with your stalking! ;-)