Wednesday Revelation--Novel Confession #02

I'm late. I know. I'm so sorry. Ugh, #BloggerFail

Anyway, let's launch into the Novel Confession for this week...Unfortunately there's some backstory here. Sorry, I know how much us authors absolutely loathe the backstory dump! This post will be long. Can't say I didn't warn you.

Out of all four of my siblings I've always been the most eccentric one out the bunch. I've gone through so many fashion phases, makeup trends, tried out several different personalities (I was nuts, I know), faked accents for months at a time, and just had a straight up crazy, fun loving time getting lost and finding myself in the process.

Throughout my changes the one thing I've always remained true to is my deep fascination with the spiritual and supernatural elements in this world. Growing up my eyes always widened when I learned of the mind blowing miracles Jesus performed, the Angels and their messenger moments, the Rapture and days of Tribulation talk in the Book of Revelation, the tales of soothsayers and no good spiritists in the Bible, Satan trying to tempt Jesus (I know right? What the heck was that older than dirt idiot Lucifer smoking?!), and all the demon stuff.

Yeah...I was that weird kid. But I never got a Ouija Board, HECK NO! That's pushing it. I always told myself I'd never cross that thin line.

That all being unnecessarily said, whilst writing one of my later chapters my mother kept nit picking at me about my WIP. And I was ticked! She didn't really know anything about my novel. She had never read a page of it. She was already against the urban fantasy with biblical symbolism idea even though she just looovvveeddd Chronicles of Narnia and Lord of the Rings. And I just felt like I didn't need her input when she'd already kicked my novel to the side. Essentially, my mom had this random notion that my book was becoming too dark and twisted. That I was teetering on the edge of something unholy. This is how I viewed her...

But unlike that lady above my mom was actually right. Duh, she's ALWAYS right.

The chapter I wrote was borderline disturbing. It had a very dark and brutal undertone to it. Bottom line, it was demonic. And after writing it I didn't feel like myself. I had this odd idea to research demon hierarchies--something I never would have thought of doing. Bizarre, right? I'm all down for conducting research for novels but I'm not down for dabbling.

Now, I'm not going to lie. The chapter was darn good and I was totally digging it...but it wasn't representing God and it certainly wasn't what he requires of me and my gift. Instead it was glorifying evil. If another writer had written that chapter I would have thought, "woah, this chick is obviously dabbling in some daaarrk stuff." Although I knew this I refused to change it. Hardheaded, I know.

So one night after my mother had prayer she came to talk to me and said, "God told me you just wrote something evil and you need to delete it and start over. It's ungodly and it's too dark. Whatever it is, change it. Now." Did I listen to mom? Nope. I brushed her off like a pesky gnat. I was angry and in denial. I went to bed with a bitter taste in my mouth.

That night I dreamt of an Angel adorned in a white so brilliantly bright that my eyes strained to even look up at him. I just laid in my bed while this huge warrior like Angel took up my entire room and was saying something to me that I could not understand. His mouth kept moving in a language so foreign and a voice so thunderous that they had to have been divine. It was almost as if he was chastising me, but I just couldn't comprehend the scolding. Towards the end of this dream he pressed his heavy hand to my forehead and FINALLY spoke in English. He said, "don't look up demons."

And before I could speak to him I was awake with my eyes glued to where he'd just stood. I felt like I'd just been transported from dream world to the real world within the blink of an eye. And the message was so clear too. His last line continued to replay in my mind and I couldn't get what my mother said out of my head. So you know what I did next?

I deleted that chapter and wrote it over! Yah darn skippy I did! I was freaked out! Scared! Totally not trying to get on God's bad side. I also rid of those stupid ideas regarding demon research and never wrote anything else without asking God to write with me. Mom was so right and when I told her of this dream she simply smirked and said, "I told yah so!"

God really does have His Angels watching over His children....even the hardheaded ones like me.

Wednesday Revelation - Novel Confession #01

So, I seriously dislike one of my characters....But hold up! Let's back it up a bit.

Have you ever had someone in your life who constantly gave every person around them unsolicited advice or just always had an optimistic perspective about whatever and whoever? I'm talking about a person who will cause you to see every angle of a difficult situation verses merely your own. The one who is NEVER *rolls eyes* bias. The person who will talk you down from going off on the jerk that just totally disrespected you and deserves to be put in his place. The one with Jiminy Cricket syndrome! The type of person who will inform you of your wrongness AND toss a bible scripture at you just to prove they're right and you're wrong. I mean really? C'mon! Who told you to add God in this? NOBODY!

That's the sort of character my Alyse Selvin is. She's a know-it-all and dang proud of it. It's not that she is so arrogant that she deems herself biblically correct in all her ways, it's just that her mind is so wrapped up in Christ that her heart is not enveloped with darkness. She harbors no deceitful desires, impure endeavors, or ill intentions. The girl simply wants everyone to choose the right path and remain on it. She lives for joy and happiness. Alyse literally cries when a rainbow appears...and when she bites into a delicious cupcake on her off diet/cheat day (or maybe I'm talking about myself right there, who knows lol). She is just a freaking sweet as pie angel! 

And I have to respect that. Although she is that friend that pushes you in the right direction, loves unconditionally, takes accountability for close ones, calls you out on your bull, and has no problem being honest...she can still be annoying as hell (yeah Auntie Joyce I said hell and I still don't consider it a curse word-BOOM...*cringes, cowers away in fear of reproval*) with her virtually perfect self.

But notice I said virtually. This is where my annoyance climbs to dislike.

Alyse is a flawed character just like many of the others. It's just that I cringe when I meet know-it-alls who aren't even close to having it all together (Oh God, that kind of sounds like myself right there, LOL! Yikes!). She struggles with insecurity, she is unaware of her worth, she can't conceal her emotions,--even the loony and eccentric ones--she doesn't know when to shut up, she is usually the weaker one in combat, and she's also in love with a guy who will never look past his own faults to be with her. He's so caught up in his own innate downfalls that he doesn't deem himself worthy of Alyse's love which obviously overlooks his faults. Complete and utter craziness, no!? Seriously, one of these days Alyse is going to get it through her thick skull that she is more than just invisible scars and unguarded thoughts. That her once believed incurable wounds can be healed. And that she goes beyond good enough.

Essentially, I think it's her vulnerability and visibility that kills me. She's always on someone else's case but every time I write her in I can't help but think, "girl please, you have more issues than Vogue" or "typical good girl probs" --I'm so insensitive, I know.

Anyway, I'm the complete opposite of her. I don't like people knowing if they hurt me or not. I know when to keep my thoughts to myself..who am I kidding? No I don't. I hate when folks can read my emotions. I like masking my true self with dark humor, witticism, empty sarcasm, and lots of laughter. Besides my family, there are only a few people who know the real me. And I will admit that I used to be more open....but time and experience has taught me to remain guarded. 

And that's where I think my annoyance of Alyse starts to dig deep-when it gets personal. She wears no mask and I hate that. I can't understand why she sets herself up for harm. I tell myself I would hate to have someone like her in my life. That I'm so glad I'm not like her. But if that is the case why would I create her? Why would she end up being one of my most in-depth characters?

Hmm, makes me wonder what other lies I've told myself.

My Absence is NOT Justified...However I will Attempt to Make it so!

Yeah, yeah, yeah I suck...I know. Forgive me!

My lovely readers (assuming I still have some), it has been an embarrassingly lengthy time since I posted anything on this here little humble blog of mine. One of my best friends had to give me a swift kick in the butt and with just a few encouraging words I was motivated to create a post! And Voila! Thanks, Dana!

But really, it’s perfectly okay if you want to refer to me as Judas or Brutus for a bit because I know that I have absolutely no legitimate excuse to justify my betrayal to you very beautiful lot! Jesus wasn’t down for Judas betraying Him and I’m sure Caesar didn’t take it too well from Brutus either. I’m just saying…I get it!  

But, here’s what happened. My priorities shifted and I needed to take a step back and figure out where my life was headed. I reexamined my spiritual and natural life, career and educational plans, visions for my future, and ultimately what actions I need to perform now in order to achieve what I desire to achieve. It may sound cliché but my hopes and dreams, five year plan, and daily routine has changed drastically. Me right now is totally not the Me from six months ago. You understand me? I guess I’m growing up. It’s all a part of life. And I hear that around my age, mid 20s, perspectives start to change. And I needed that air, yah know? I needed it without the many distractions cyber city brings. And that’s pretty much it in a nutshell.

So yes…I had a bit of a “find me journey.”  I never thought I would embark on what I once considered such a trivial thing but hey…you learn a lot about yourself when you just take time to contemplate, breathe, and settle down. Now I didn’t do any hardcore contemplation on man’s existential dilemma, take a meditation class or some mess like that (not knocking it, just saying). I asked God to reveal to me my purpose and His plans for my life so I can do what He made me to do instead of wanting to do what I want to do. Also, I just needed to truly rediscover my likes and dislikes, beliefs and values, what I deserve/my worth in this world, strengthen my relationship with Christ, and be set free from circumstances holding me back spiritually, physically, and naturally. Okay, I'm done yapping.

So there you have it. I did some soul searching and I recommend you do the same. You know how you complete a detox or spend some time eating clean? Your soul and spirit demands the same attention. Spend some time in the library/bookstore. Take a vacation. Bask in scenery you’ve never experienced before. Cut some unnecessary people or activities out of your life. Start a journal/diary. Depict your life years from now and write about how you’re going to get there. Pray and open up to God about your concerns, wants, and needs. Take up new hobbies. Do something wild and crazy-something folks wouldn’t expect of you!

Now that we’re done playing ketchup, ;-), I’m going to jot down some more blog topics and I’ll meet you back here later on this week! Sound good? Good! See yah!

**Oh yeah! Check out the film adaptation preview to The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones. CAN'T WAIT! One of my all time FAVORITE books! Up there with Harry Potter, I tell yah!**