I'M A BAD BLOGGER - I REALLY SUCK AT IT!

I’m a sorry excuse for a blogger. 

I mean, I seriously suck. 

I suck to the utmost and it isn’t even funny. What the heck is it about the blogging hemisphere that I simply cannot stay connected? Every time I attempt to leap back into this “hobby” of mine, I become distracted with stuff going on in my ... how shall I put it?

Let's call it my physical life. Heck, sounds about right. Geez, my wording even sucks.

TBH ("to be honest" - yeah, I'm hip), I have become so incredibly occupied with real life that I can’t keep up with this blog. I promise, ever since my last post I have seriously been on the go! Don’t believe me? You think I'm lying? Check the list, folks.

1. I’m now a Christian Non-Fiction Author for a publishing company I adore. Can't name drop, tho. 
2. I’m working on my MFA via online courses – but that’s a secret, so shh.
3. I’ve gotten myself into tons of freelance writing and editing projects like a freakin' genius. I literally spend a huge chunk of my day at my desk. Whether I'm writing, editing, proofreading ... or looking at Netflix or Hulu (hehehe)... I'm glued here, man! 
4. My Urban Fantasy WIP has morphed into a new WIP. I am obsessed with the changes! You guys know how the writing, editing and revising stages are with WIPs. So no need to explain there.
5. Plus other stuff. *averts eyes suspiciously*
6. Umm ... Does traveling count as a distraction?
7. Did I mention church functions? Family Functions? Just a lot of social stuff. Grrr.
8. My family – my sister in particular – has taken up loads of my time within the last few years. 
• FIRST, I had to plan her wedding. And she was a feisty Bride Zilla.
• SECOND, she decides to get pregnant on the honeymoon, so I planned her baby shower too. And she was a feisty Pregnant Lady!
• THIRD, she calls me quite often simply to chat. Seriously, girl. I am busy. I don't have time to chat. Tend to your fussy 1-month-old baby. Okay, Austin isn’t THAT fussy. But babies are blah. They pee, poop, eat, sleep and look cute. I can’t wait till that kid can say, “Hey, Auntie. You rock!” He gripped my finger the other day and I nearly exploded with joy! And all he did was hold my finger ... Not only do I suck, I'm a sucker. 

So, yeah. Your girl is spent! 

However, let’s cut the crap. I mean, can you smell the bull? I sure can. It stinks like a circus. 

If I was truly passionate about being a blogger, I believe I would have squeezed it in. I didn’t stop watching my favorite shows. I didn’t stop hanging out with friends and family. I didn’t limit my time with God.  Well, actually I have slacked on my prayer life. I need to fix that. Yikes.

ANYWHO! I’ve discovered that I just don’t have the passion for blogging like I used to.

Nevertheless … I WANT IT. In all seriousness, I have been extremely busy. I even find it difficult to spend the desired time on my WIP. Although I absolutely love and enjoy writing, I don't want it to become a chore for me. Yah know? Whatever ... I'm not even sure if I'm making sense. *Cringe* Furthermore, I'm the most organized person I know. Therefore, I know my neglect here has nothing to do with that. Like I said, if I wanted to keep up with this blog then I certainly could. 

It's the joy I'm lacking here, people.

How do I get it back? How do I rediscover that joy in blogging? Honestly, how? 

:-(

Dream With Fear or Faith?

"Faith will take you where fear won't let you go."

That was the title of the sermon my Auntie Joyce preached. To say it has stuck with me for the better part of two months now would be quite the understatement. When I began attempting to live by this statement and apply it not just spiritually but to every other avenue of my life, I realized something about myself. This entire year I've been held captive to fear instead of free in faith. The doubts, insecurities, second guessing, and underestimating myself was just a self inflicted tactic produced by fear to set me back--that's how I look at it anyway.

I touched on this briefly in a previous post but I didn't spend too much time expressing my innermost feelings and all that jazz. Essentially, this year I put off the querying process simply because I was fearful that I would have a repeat of my last run. Even though during that time I was less experienced, less knowledgeable, busy going to college and juggling two jobs, and my novel had not undergone that serious nip and tuck sort of revision. I was pretty much just a little bitty baby novice and now well...it's been two years. I should know a little something by now, right? Lol and I do.

So in the past few months I've realized that in any situation, not just writing wise, if I wait until I deem myself absolutely ready to do something then I'll be waiting for the rest of my life. Not many people are ever ready to launch out into what they consider the deep and dark part of the waters, but the launching has the take place some time or another. Whether you're facing difficult circumstances concerning career/education goals, financial setbacks, personal goals, family issues, challenging relationships, or just dealing with the usual curve balls life tends to throw at you keeping a positive mindset is key. It may be easier said than done, but it's true. Folks with big dreams need to recognize that struggles and disappointments are inevitable but discouragement and quitting is a choice.

But I'm human. We all are. So sometimes I get down and wonder if my dream career as a YA and new adult fiction writer will ever come to pass. Will I ever have a final revision that's good enough? Will my critique partners ever say "don't change a thing"? And why does success have to take so doggone long? And these questioning and doubt then transforms into outright fear. When that moment comes for me to shine or present my work, I get timid. Why? Because I don't want to hear the harsh criticism. Or I'm afraid a person will tear it to pieces.

But frankly, I'm sick of being scared. Screw fear. I'm operating on faith now. And I've told myself before that I have faith that things will work out and yada yada yada, but it wasn't until the concept of "faith will take you where fear won't let you go" that it actually sunk in. I just sat down one day and made a list of the results of fear and the results of faith. It is shared below.

FEAR

Suppresses our thinking and behavior

Limits creativity

Develops bad habits & stress

Weakens our resolve

Cripples growth

Robs peace & happiness

Limits prosperity

Chokes us with doubt

Creates procrastination

Causes insecurities

Defers dreams

Halts success

Undermines destiny

Lies

Regrets

Kills faith

FAITH

Invokes spiritual and intellectual growth
Motivates creativity to become artistry
Promotes positivity
Inherits promises & expectations
Strengthens our commitments
Cements your peace and happiness
Sees unmeasurable success
Creates belief in self
Demands action
Promotes truth and hope
Knows no doubt
Defends your unquestionable belief
Is a Free Thinker
Values loyalty

Instills curiosity and thirst for more
Kills FEAR