Dream With Fear or Faith?

"Faith will take you where fear won't let you go."

That was the title of the sermon my Auntie Joyce preached. To say it has stuck with me for the better part of two months now would be quite the understatement. When I began attempting to live by this statement and apply it not just spiritually but to every other avenue of my life, I realized something about myself. This entire year I've been held captive to fear instead of free in faith. The doubts, insecurities, second guessing, and underestimating myself was just a self inflicted tactic produced by fear to set me back--that's how I look at it anyway.

I touched on this briefly in a previous post but I didn't spend too much time expressing my innermost feelings and all that jazz. Essentially, this year I put off the querying process simply because I was fearful that I would have a repeat of my last run. Even though during that time I was less experienced, less knowledgeable, busy going to college and juggling two jobs, and my novel had not undergone that serious nip and tuck sort of revision. I was pretty much just a little bitty baby novice and now well...it's been two years. I should know a little something by now, right? Lol and I do.

So in the past few months I've realized that in any situation, not just writing wise, if I wait until I deem myself absolutely ready to do something then I'll be waiting for the rest of my life. Not many people are ever ready to launch out into what they consider the deep and dark part of the waters, but the launching has the take place some time or another. Whether you're facing difficult circumstances concerning career/education goals, financial setbacks, personal goals, family issues, challenging relationships, or just dealing with the usual curve balls life tends to throw at you keeping a positive mindset is key. It may be easier said than done, but it's true. Folks with big dreams need to recognize that struggles and disappointments are inevitable but discouragement and quitting is a choice.

But I'm human. We all are. So sometimes I get down and wonder if my dream career as a YA and new adult fiction writer will ever come to pass. Will I ever have a final revision that's good enough? Will my critique partners ever say "don't change a thing"? And why does success have to take so doggone long? And these questioning and doubt then transforms into outright fear. When that moment comes for me to shine or present my work, I get timid. Why? Because I don't want to hear the harsh criticism. Or I'm afraid a person will tear it to pieces.

But frankly, I'm sick of being scared. Screw fear. I'm operating on faith now. And I've told myself before that I have faith that things will work out and yada yada yada, but it wasn't until the concept of "faith will take you where fear won't let you go" that it actually sunk in. I just sat down one day and made a list of the results of fear and the results of faith. It is shared below.

FEAR

Suppresses our thinking and behavior

Limits creativity

Develops bad habits & stress

Weakens our resolve

Cripples growth

Robs peace & happiness

Limits prosperity

Chokes us with doubt

Creates procrastination

Causes insecurities

Defers dreams

Halts success

Undermines destiny

Lies

Regrets

Kills faith

FAITH

Invokes spiritual and intellectual growth
Motivates creativity to become artistry
Promotes positivity
Inherits promises & expectations
Strengthens our commitments
Cements your peace and happiness
Sees unmeasurable success
Creates belief in self
Demands action
Promotes truth and hope
Knows no doubt
Defends your unquestionable belief
Is a Free Thinker
Values loyalty

Instills curiosity and thirst for more
Kills FEAR

Crazy Sick Talk with my Characters

I want to blame my two week absence on the Cardinals disgracing my city and losing in the World Series (grrrrrr, talk about devastation to the core...and a waste of money on all that daggone party food!), but I've been incredibly sick and am finally starting to feel like myself again. Bronchitis, sinusitis, and a stomach virus all decided to ransack me simultaneously. I've never experienced such a sucky sickness in my entire life...but then again I always say that when I'm sick. Just like I always say "this is the best cake I've had in my entire life" whenever I eat great cake.

And yanno', I swear teaching grade school children is like a death trap. The little sweetums are always sick! And they aren't very good at grabbing a tissue versus their sleeve, covering their coughs, using hand sanitizer, and the like. Yet I still adore them and their potent germs.

So, whilst laying up like a dead woman I had loads of time to talk to my characters, fantasize about perfect future scenarios (believe me, all ladies in their 20s do this) and read the Bible...while feeling a tad guilty for taking notes for my novel instead of my personal journal but hey, stuff happens. Jesus knows I totally love Him and will spend extra time with Him this week. Anyway, back to the characters bit...

Obviously I've done the whole character sketches, picking through their personalities, appearance, traits, habits and so on, and simply letting them take up residence in my head while I listen and observe. As well, I've been through the interviewing, discovering, and analyzing processes.

Essentially, I know my folks pretty well....but I still like to talk to them. Sometimes they talk to one another. Or I envision them meeting my family and friends. I make up fun, sad, serious, dangerous, happy, ridiculous, or whatever situations and sort out how each of my characters would respond or say in such circumstances. Is that too eccentric? Am I the only one who enjoys the company of their own characters or should I say further exploring them? Good Lord...that sounds a bit psycho for folks who don't understand fiction writing, but it's the truth for me.

If I tell you I was the only person holed up in my bedroom while I was sick I'd be telling you a boldfaced lie. One night I even fell asleep talking to my characters and proceeded to have a dream about them with me in it! And HELLO! Let's just say I totally have a crush on the male love interest in my book now. I'm just sayin! Logan is a charmer in person....or in dream, whatever. No wonder he's a lady killer. But anyway yeah. It. Was. Freaking. AWESOME! My imagination was on overload during this sickness and no lie...my characters made it fly by so fast. I now possess a greater love for them because they kept me company when no other human being wanted to be around sick ole' contagious me. And below is how I feel about those people now, hmph! ;-)

Can anyone else relate to me here? Am I the only one who treats my characters like living, breathing, running around, having a good time real folks?