Wednesday Revelation - Novel Confession #01

So, I seriously dislike one of my characters....But hold up! Let's back it up a bit.

Have you ever had someone in your life who constantly gave every person around them unsolicited advice or just always had an optimistic perspective about whatever and whoever? I'm talking about a person who will cause you to see every angle of a difficult situation verses merely your own. The one who is NEVER *rolls eyes* bias. The person who will talk you down from going off on the jerk that just totally disrespected you and deserves to be put in his place. The one with Jiminy Cricket syndrome! The type of person who will inform you of your wrongness AND toss a bible scripture at you just to prove they're right and you're wrong. I mean really? C'mon! Who told you to add God in this? NOBODY!

That's the sort of character my Alyse Selvin is. She's a know-it-all and dang proud of it. It's not that she is so arrogant that she deems herself biblically correct in all her ways, it's just that her mind is so wrapped up in Christ that her heart is not enveloped with darkness. She harbors no deceitful desires, impure endeavors, or ill intentions. The girl simply wants everyone to choose the right path and remain on it. She lives for joy and happiness. Alyse literally cries when a rainbow appears...and when she bites into a delicious cupcake on her off diet/cheat day (or maybe I'm talking about myself right there, who knows lol). She is just a freaking sweet as pie angel! 

And I have to respect that. Although she is that friend that pushes you in the right direction, loves unconditionally, takes accountability for close ones, calls you out on your bull, and has no problem being honest...she can still be annoying as hell (yeah Auntie Joyce I said hell and I still don't consider it a curse word-BOOM...*cringes, cowers away in fear of reproval*) with her virtually perfect self.

But notice I said virtually. This is where my annoyance climbs to dislike.

Alyse is a flawed character just like many of the others. It's just that I cringe when I meet know-it-alls who aren't even close to having it all together (Oh God, that kind of sounds like myself right there, LOL! Yikes!). She struggles with insecurity, she is unaware of her worth, she can't conceal her emotions,--even the loony and eccentric ones--she doesn't know when to shut up, she is usually the weaker one in combat, and she's also in love with a guy who will never look past his own faults to be with her. He's so caught up in his own innate downfalls that he doesn't deem himself worthy of Alyse's love which obviously overlooks his faults. Complete and utter craziness, no!? Seriously, one of these days Alyse is going to get it through her thick skull that she is more than just invisible scars and unguarded thoughts. That her once believed incurable wounds can be healed. And that she goes beyond good enough.

Essentially, I think it's her vulnerability and visibility that kills me. She's always on someone else's case but every time I write her in I can't help but think, "girl please, you have more issues than Vogue" or "typical good girl probs" --I'm so insensitive, I know.

Anyway, I'm the complete opposite of her. I don't like people knowing if they hurt me or not. I know when to keep my thoughts to myself..who am I kidding? No I don't. I hate when folks can read my emotions. I like masking my true self with dark humor, witticism, empty sarcasm, and lots of laughter. Besides my family, there are only a few people who know the real me. And I will admit that I used to be more open....but time and experience has taught me to remain guarded. 

And that's where I think my annoyance of Alyse starts to dig deep-when it gets personal. She wears no mask and I hate that. I can't understand why she sets herself up for harm. I tell myself I would hate to have someone like her in my life. That I'm so glad I'm not like her. But if that is the case why would I create her? Why would she end up being one of my most in-depth characters?

Hmm, makes me wonder what other lies I've told myself.